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Matt’s Fat: The Matthew McConaughey

Workout quote of the week:
     “You just gotta keep livin’, man. L-I-V-I-N.”
           – David Wooderson, played by Matthew McConaughey, Dazed and Confused
 By Matt Kelton
Pioneer Sentinel

I have to admit, I fell off the wagon.

I worked out one time last week, my first day at the Forrester Wellness Center, and then I quit.

But for good reason, because after my first workout, I felt like I had really fell off of a wagon and was dragged under its wheels for 30 or 40 yards.

My intentions were good – get fit and fast.

Thanks to a workout plan downloaded from the Internet, I was going to be buff in no time at all.

It was called The Matthew McConaughey, and was supposed to be a workout plan for beginners. In fact it was advertised as a plan perfect for couch potatoes.

Hey, I wouldn’t mind looking like Matthew McConaughey, and I am a couch potato. Plus, its was free. Can’t do much better.

“Alright, alright, alright,” I though with my best Dazed and Confused “Wooderson” impression.

That was Tuesday night, the last night of the week without pain.

Wednesday afternoon, I hit the gym. Five-minute warm-up on a stationary bike, then on to the weights. I followed the plan to the best of my ability, something like three sets of 10, two positions on the bench with dumbbells, lunges, shoulder press, dumbbell curls and triceps pushdowns. Five more minutes on the bike to cool down, and done.

I felt like I was in high school again. Unfortunately, I am not – which should have occurred to me when, during the cool-down stage, the legs of a high school girl on the next bike over where traveling at twice the rate of my own.

The next day, I hurt. Bad. The day after, I hurt even worse. I could not put on my seat belt, because I could not reach back that far. Then came the Clay County Junior Livestock show, a three-day excuse not to workout.

You would think that the stock show would be light work all things considered, except that it is filled with handshakes and, more painfully, slaps on the back, I felt like the guy in the sitcoms with the bad sunburn.

I’m back now, recovered and ready to go. In fact, this column was supposed to appear yesterday, but unlike before, I wanted to make sure I knew what I was doing.

Now it’s more on the treadmill and less on the weights.

Besides, who wants to look like Matthew McConaughey, anyway?


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The Pioneer Sentinel is an online newspaper designed to deliver the news of Clay County, Texas, in a concise and community-friendly format.

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